I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
