i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
