eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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