Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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