You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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