Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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