last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can you bring me the toilet please
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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