No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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