I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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