Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
