If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
