Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
