I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
try to milk me bitch
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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