24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
