I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
