so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
