she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
