You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Pants are for mortals
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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