3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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