You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
