you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
