I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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