I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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