My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
