I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
