I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
