I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
