Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
