at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
