you have to choose: penises or morals?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Bring me that man meat
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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