It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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