May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
