got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
