I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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