I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
