even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
