I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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