I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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