I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Holy shit dude........stairs
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