I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
