I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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