guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
