I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
