Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
