they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
