Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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