haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
