oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.