He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
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I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast