Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She announced her abortion via fbk
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Randomize
Follow @tfln