do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.