he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
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Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
this is an emotional support booty call
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.