Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
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The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it