Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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