I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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