Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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