god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
