If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
