The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
