found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
