if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
