I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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