so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We got so high we made milksteak
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
