How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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