Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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