Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
