Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
