look no pants
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
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Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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