It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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