I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
