WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
