But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
