I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
