Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
