I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
