i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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