I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Two words: nipple clamps
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