So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
