dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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