I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
