I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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