we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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