Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
