pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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