I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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